When Silence Feels Loud: A Trauma Response to Uncertainty

 

When Silence Feels Loud: A Trauma Response to Uncertainty

Part of creating Wonder and Scribble is sharing not only the resources I make, but also the thinking, experiences, and moments that inspire them. The How to Train Your Amygdala pack grew out of my own journey with anxiety and trauma responses, and the way my brain sometimes reacts to uncertainty. This reflection is one of those moments.

It does not take much to set it off, an unanswered message, a change in someone’s usual pattern, or simply not hearing back when you expected to. On the surface, it is nothing alarming. But for me, it can spark a chain reaction in my mind.

First comes the social worry: Did I say something wrong? Are they upset with me? Then the practical worry: Maybe they are dealing with something difficult. And then, before I have even noticed, the catastrophic worry arrives: What if something terrible has happened?

This leap from mild concern to worst case scenario is not random. It is a well rehearsed survival skill. When you have lived through unpredictable or unsafe situations, your brain learns to scan for danger and fill in the blanks with threat. It is the amygdala doing its job a little too well, firing off alarms before there is proof of danger.

The reality, most of the time, is harmless. But my nervous system does not know that until the uncertainty ends. That is why the relief feels so instant when I finally know everything is okay.

I want to be clear that this is not about anyone else’s actions or choices. It is not anyone’s fault that my brain works this way. It is simply part of how my kite flies! It’s sometimes steady, sometimes catching unexpected gusts that pull me towards worry. I own that this is my pattern, shaped by past experiences, and I am learning how to guide it back into calmer air.

Reaching out in this situation was a small but important act of bravery. In the past, I might have stayed silent, letting my thoughts spiral and my fears grow. This time, I acted with care and without expectation. It was me unlearning old patterns and proving to myself that I can feel anxious and still choose to connect, rather than retreat.

Launching Wonder and Scribble has been a huge step outside of my comfort zone. It has challenged my thinking, pushed me into situations that test my responses, and given me opportunities to notice these patterns in real time. Every conversation, every bit of feedback, and every quiet moment in between is helping me grow.

If you recognise yourself in this, you are not alone. Some things that help me in those moments:

• Pause and ask, “What is the most likely explanation?”
• Notice when you are filling in gaps with a story, and remind yourself it is just one possible version.
• Use a grounding technique: the five senses method. You name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
• Name it - this is my trauma response. Take away it’s power and remember you hold the string! 

Not all uncertainty is danger. Sometimes it is just life, unfolding quietly in the background. And this is one of the reasons my How to Train Your Amygdala pack is taking its time. I want it to be something truly helpful for anyone who experiences this kind of thinking, whatever the cause might be. 

Every time I notice the pattern and choose a calmer response, I am reminding myself that I am not just surviving. I am learning to keep my kite in flight.